“I’m a burden.”

Specifically this year, my parent have used quite a lot of money on me. It breaks my heart. I want to pay them back really badly but my forex trading is not doing well. I’m not going to work for the next 3-4 years.

~$350- Driving Lessons

~$14500- Forex Lesson + New Laptop

~$55- UCAS + HECAS

In the future:

~$500- UBD

If I got the student loan to study overseas, the ~$500 is non-refundable. They may need to spent again for my medical check ups and etc. I’m sure it’ll be costly.

Oh god. I feel really bad.

If just, my forex trading is doing well…

But seriously, I kinda want my parent to stop spending on me. But on the other hand, I don’t have any source of money to support myself.

What should I do?

I’m out.




I Have A Life

Hey there! I guess today I’ll be talking about me┬ámy life.

Naah, I’m not gonna tell you from the beginning, duh. Let’s start…. from this year. Suprisingly, I’m going through a lot of things this year. I got my A’level exam results, and then I did lots of paperwork to apply to local uni and overseas, then scholarship and loan and I got “my first ever in my life” selection process interview for local uni . I went to the education consultant. and my dad registered me to a forex trading class which costs 8000 US Dollars. It’s a mess. It’s not even half a year. Soon, I’ll be busy preparing for the interview for scholarship or loan then preparing for overseas and then I need to adapt my fuckin’ life abroad, obviously, then I need to make new friends and then study and be active in school and GOSH. It’ll be a mess! I hope I can handle all of this.

Well, as of now, I’m a little bit at the edge. Because of forex. I’m having a hell lot of shitty thoughts. Like how I wish I was dead and how I pray to god to take my life. Guess I’m a coward for a suicide. Anyway, forex triggers everything. Regrets everywhere. I don’t know, I might not fully regret it. Ugh. I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming someone but I did put a bit blame for all of this to my dad because he puts this “pressure” on me. He keeps on asking me: how’s your trading today, why can’t you make more money, you need to look at the trade so you won’t miss the opportunity, etc. Especially when he asks me why I got a loss. He basically tell me to blame myself. I mean what the hell. I mean, yeah, who else to blame. But seriously, is it my fault that things don’t go the way that I predict. Gosh! I’ll be a little be at ease if he could just say keep on trying and you know “encouragement” words.

Yes, I’m a coward. I’m not brave enough to tell my dad what’s in my mind. After all, I’m always be the good kid. Though I have my rebel moments.

Anyway what I wanna say is that… I can handle this shit myself okay? Can you please don’t put this pressure on me. I just want to take it slow. Like seriously yo, I just learned this shit 2 month ago and I just started trading a month ago. You can’t be a pro on forex overnight.

I think I am depressed. Do you think so? I don’t know. I feel like wanna take a pill, any pill.

I’m out, bye.



The Reason

Yeah. The reason.

For the past month, my dad registered me to a forex trading (foreign exchange) class where I’ll be teach by a professional trader. The class was pretty pricy, around 8000 US Dollar. I was excited at first because I get to make money by staying at home. But long story short, I was devastated. Ever since I learned forex and become a trader, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts more often than I usually did. I say that I’m depressed. And that leads to my decision to blog, to share my suicidal thoughts and maybe my life struggles.

I’m out, bye.