Plan + Dad’s Complain

So here’s what I’m gonna do.

If I got accepted by the moe loan to study overseas, I will use the allowance given in the future for my studies to pay back my parent’s money on UBD which is $520. Though I don’t know how hard will it be to survive with small allowance but I will do my best to manage my finance. Plus I’m not the spending type (except for food). Right?

And just a side story to share…

My father complain again, why I’m still not able to successfully trade forex. It breaks my heart but at the same time it angers me. Why can’t he be understanding on how hard it is for me, when I’m doing my best. To be honest, starting last week, I did my revision regarding Forex again, what my teacher teaches and I think I found a small way to trade with 60% chance of winning. So I use it the strategy this week, and ta-da~ LOSS. I can’t. I just can’t.

I’m out.



We Need A Break



We need a break.

I keep on losing my (dad) money and I feel fucking guilty that I want to kill myself.

Can we have a break? Please?

Dad be like:


I’ll be like:


I’m out, bye.

I Have A Life

Hey there! I guess today I’ll be talking about me┬ámy life.

Naah, I’m not gonna tell you from the beginning, duh. Let’s start…. from this year. Suprisingly, I’m going through a lot of things this year. I got my A’level exam results, and then I did lots of paperwork to apply to local uni and overseas, then scholarship and loan and I got “my first ever in my life” selection process interview for local uni . I went to the education consultant. and my dad registered me to a forex trading class which costs 8000 US Dollars. It’s a mess. It’s not even half a year. Soon, I’ll be busy preparing for the interview for scholarship or loan then preparing for overseas and then I need to adapt my fuckin’ life abroad, obviously, then I need to make new friends and then study and be active in school and GOSH. It’ll be a mess! I hope I can handle all of this.

Well, as of now, I’m a little bit at the edge. Because of forex. I’m having a hell lot of shitty thoughts. Like how I wish I was dead and how I pray to god to take my life. Guess I’m a coward for a suicide. Anyway, forex triggers everything. Regrets everywhere. I don’t know, I might not fully regret it. Ugh. I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming someone but I did put a bit blame for all of this to my dad because he puts this “pressure” on me. He keeps on asking me: how’s your trading today, why can’t you make more money, you need to look at the trade so you won’t miss the opportunity, etc. Especially when he asks me why I got a loss. He basically tell me to blame myself. I mean what the hell. I mean, yeah, who else to blame. But seriously, is it my fault that things don’t go the way that I predict. Gosh! I’ll be a little be at ease if he could just say keep on trying and you know “encouragement” words.

Yes, I’m a coward. I’m not brave enough to tell my dad what’s in my mind. After all, I’m always be the good kid. Though I have my rebel moments.

Anyway what I wanna say is that… I can handle this shit myself okay? Can you please don’t put this pressure on me. I just want to take it slow. Like seriously yo, I just learned this shit 2 month ago and I just started trading a month ago. You can’t be a pro on forex overnight.

I think I am depressed. Do you think so? I don’t know. I feel like wanna take a pill, any pill.

I’m out, bye.



The Reason

Yeah. The reason.

For the past month, my dad registered me to a forex trading (foreign exchange) class where I’ll be teach by a professional trader. The class was pretty pricy, around 8000 US Dollar. I was excited at first because I get to make money by staying at home. But long story short, I was devastated. Ever since I learned forex and become a trader, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts more often than I usually did. I say that I’m depressed. And that leads to my decision to blog, to share my suicidal thoughts and maybe my life struggles.

I’m out, bye.