Jealousy

Hey. I’m back. Because. I’m feeling really down right now.

I know… back then, I was talking about this overseas shit and whatever shit. But yeah. I didn’t get the loan scholarship. FML. And so does my friend. So here, I thought, maybe God wants me to go to the other path, the Biomedical Science path. So yeah, I accepted this program and been studying for the past 2-3 months. And today, I just got a news from my brother. I don’t know how to translate this, whether it’s a good news or bad news.

So the news is that, my friend’s (who apply loan as me) dad told my brother that my friend received a call from the loan with a good news. She got accepted! But unfortunately, she already withdrew her application on that university. But, y’know, parents. They would do anything for their child to get this opportunity. And there are processes that need to do and still going on. OK! So, my first reaction? I was like WTF. Why didn’t she tell me about all of this! Why must I heard it from my brother?! My second reaction? I texted her and told her about how I know about all of this and what happened. My third reaction? I don’t know, but I think I faked congratulating her. Like, “I am so happy for you! etc etc”. And then she told me how she feels like she wanna stay. And of course, I would say “NO. THIS IS A HUGE OPPORTUNITY!” But truly inside I’m hurting. I guess because I’m kinda jealous about it. But what can I do? I couldn’t just push her to the other side just because i’m jealous.  I keep on thinking like, it feels like, she’s betraying me. But of course, that’s not it.

Now, my fucking self keep on thinking… what if I got the call too? (which I don’t think so, this is like a 1% thing). I would like this overseas thing, but I chose to stay 🙂

 

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Plan + Dad’s Complain

So here’s what I’m gonna do.

If I got accepted by the moe loan to study overseas, I will use the allowance given in the future for my studies to pay back my parent’s money on UBD which is $520. Though I don’t know how hard will it be to survive with small allowance but I will do my best to manage my finance. Plus I’m not the spending type (except for food). Right?

And just a side story to share…

My father complain again, why I’m still not able to successfully trade forex. It breaks my heart but at the same time it angers me. Why can’t he be understanding on how hard it is for me, when I’m doing my best. To be honest, starting last week, I did my revision regarding Forex again, what my teacher teaches and I think I found a small way to trade with 60% chance of winning. So I use it the strategy this week, and ta-da~ LOSS. I can’t. I just can’t.

I’m out.

Bye.

Money

“I’m a burden.”

Specifically this year, my parent have used quite a lot of money on me. It breaks my heart. I want to pay them back really badly but my forex trading is not doing well. I’m not going to work for the next 3-4 years.

~$350- Driving Lessons

~$14500- Forex Lesson + New Laptop

~$55- UCAS + HECAS

In the future:

~$500- UBD

If I got the student loan to study overseas, the ~$500 is non-refundable. They may need to spent again for my medical check ups and etc. I’m sure it’ll be costly.

Oh god. I feel really bad.

If just, my forex trading is doing well…

But seriously, I kinda want my parent to stop spending on me. But on the other hand, I don’t have any source of money to support myself.

What should I do?

I’m out.

Bye.

 

The Interview

Sorry that it took me quite some time to post this.

It’s been 2 weeks after that interview. I figure out, I’m gonna leave out the details. I kinda remember 90% of our conversation and so it’ll be too long if I talk about it. So I just gonna tell you how it went.

It went ‘OK’, I guess? It’s 50-50. I can’t say it went smoothly. One is because there’s this one question where we were given arguments to talk about, and at that time I can’t think of anything else! So I end up blurting nonsense and repeat my ‘i can only think of’ point. It’s just, horrible! I understand if the interviewer gave me 0 marks on it. Second is that, I ‘accidentally’, have to made up a story where I included how my siblings were only until HND (true though) and I feel like I made it sound like it’s a bad thing. I just wanna state that my parents would like me to study and at least have a good degree level and end up working for the government (ha fake af). I kinda feel I made a bad impression on them by this. Another thing, for most of the questions, I can only think of one point. I did elaborate on it but then I will repeat on it again. You know, repeating shit.

Why I might get chosen is because one, we had quite a fun time. We laughed a lot. And this results in me talking ‘almost’ informal to them. And this makes me look unprofessional. Another thing is because of the MIB part. I think I did pretty well there. (Damn, it took me 3 hours studying about that). Third. *Sigh*. They don’t know what my course is and the profession so well. So even when I need to explain to them they just ‘ok. ok’. I did saw them noting some of my explanation though.

And yeah. That’s my story. At the time I post this, the results is not yet out. It might be tomorrow or the day after that. Basically the waiting will be starting tomorrow onwards… I’m hoping it’ll be tomorrow. I’m so hype to know my results. To be honest, in my mind right now, I say, I’ll make it. But at the same time I did prepare for the worst scenario by focusing on UBD stuffs too. But reading back my review on my interview, I think.. I might not get in. *Sigh*

I’m out.

Byeee.

Update

Hi! So. Good news. News that I’ve been waiting for. That is a call from MOE loan. Alhamdulillah. I got a call yesterday actually. Yesterday, I was hoping they call me but then at the same time I hope they don’t.

I am quite busy yesterday. I went to make my license and breakfast out with my dad. And then I have eye appointment in the afternoon. So you know, I was thinking, if I got the call, I won’t have a lot of time to prepare. But at the same time, around 11:30 onwards, I kept on looking at my phone, looking at the time, “no calls yet?”. And then around 11:50, when I was playing UNO on my phone, 2****** appears! I immediately knew it was them and i swipe my phone just a second after that. Like, so fast. They must’ve been surprised that I answer their call so fast.

After the call, I’m like Alhamdulillah. And then, SHIT SHIT SHIT I HAVEN’T PREPARED. I know, the irony. I’m gonna share how my interview went in my next post.

I’m out, bye!

Haven’t Receive Any Calls Yet.

I’ve been waiting for the MOE loan to call me for like… about 4 months, now. And guess what?! My friend got called and she’s been waiting for only A MONTH! I feel really, really unfair.

So, I waited for my turn to get the call. Everyday I wake up, I always look at my phone for a call. Well, I know it’s been only 2 days now but, I believed there is already 2 interview sessions held. I don’t know. I’m afraid it’ll just stop to only 2 groups. And tomorrow will be Friday, and MOE closed so they won’t call for an interview. And on Saturday, they won’t call because the day after that is Sunday. And the next Monday will be Raya Holiday which I bet the staffs will be on their holiday too and I bet this whole thing will just stop at 2 groups!!

Yes, I can see what I’m missing and it can be the reason if they reject me. And that is my chosen course, Actuarial Science. It is not listed as courses offered by MOE Loan. But according to a career counselor, they have been sending a few students taking Actuarial Science for the past few years. Well, I admit there are lots of changes have been made in 2017 on the courses offered by Scholarship section. But that’s Scholarship section! It won’t affect the MOE Loan. Right?

I’m so depressed. I just want to know if I’m still in the waiting list or if I got rejected. I don’t want to wait. I can’t prepare for the interview because I’m afraid I get my hopes high but later knowing that I don’t get in.

I’m in pain.

I’m out. so, bye.

 

A Friend

Hey,

Why do I feel like you are distancing yourself from me?

The text that you sent to me last time left a wound in my heart. I showed it to my friend and it obviously not a text you should sent to someone who’s been a friend for 6 years now.

And so I tried to reply your text without showing you my wound.

To be honest, I don’t remember doing anything wrong to you.

One thing that came in my mind is because, I annoyed you. Is this true?

Or was it because you don’t feel uncomfortable around me anymore? Why?

Or am I becoming boring to you?

I kept on wondering…

Then, I met you a few days after the text. You acted just normal.

We laughed, and talk about things normally.

And today I texted you and get the same response.

I don’t know anymore.

I don’t know.

I don’t know if I can handle this.

To you,

Sh,

I’m out. Bye.

Things Just Gets More Complicated

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was rejected by UBD to take my choice major; Pharmacy. I know the reason I failed is because I sucked at my interview. Like, so bad.

But here’s the thing. Back then, when we were in the middle of applying for universities, we were told to apply through two applications; OASys (UBD admission application) and HECAS (Local Universities and Scholarship Application). I MADE A MISTAKE. First, I submittted my OASys application earlier where I put Pharmacy as my 1st choice and Biomedical Science as my 2nd choice. And I did the same thing for HECAS. But then, at the last minute, my parent and I decided on applying for scholarship so I changed my HECAS choices; Scholarship 1st choice and Pharmacy 2nd choice, and SUBMIT. So shit happened. But I got emails to do interview for both Pharmacy and Biomedical Science. And then I fucked my interview for Pharmacy but I’m pretty sure I did well on Biomedical Science interview.

Now, the thing is… which major should I appeal for? I kinda want to appeal for Biomedical Science but I’m not confident if my situation can be accepted. If I appeal for Pharmacy, I’m not confident if they will consider me. What am I gonna do now? Studying is the only thing I’m good at. What if I don’t get in to both local uni and overseas? It’s the end of me. I never dream my future would be a failure like this…

I’m out, bye.

Yum or Not?

I just got back from “so-called’ Hi Tea with my sisters and aunt. Here’s my order…

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Hazelnut Latte.
This is my second time trying Hazelnut Latte. I think the place where I taste Hazelnut Latte for the first time is better. I love those cookies though 🙂

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Aglio Olio Seabass.
I’m not expecting a fish there, hahaha. I’m actually a fan of Aglio Olio. But this one was just… tasteless. But I ate it anyway. Secret Recipe and Pastamania served the best Aglio Olio, fyi.

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Strawberry Tall Cake.
My dessert. Just a simple cake. I give it a 4/5, just because I feel like eating strawberry that time…

Anyway, I sure ate a lot for a “Hi-Tea”…

After all the eating, I’m feeling dehydrated. I’m like… I need to go home, asap, thirsty, thirsty.

I’m out, bye!